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DISSATISFACTION by Kyle Rickert
Over the years I’ve observed that for me, making breakfast for a New Life class at 5:45 a.m. can go one of two ways. I can grumpily resent it and wish I didn’t have to wake up so early. Or I can accept it as an opportunity to work on myself and enjoy making breakfast. I’ve learned that the second option results in the food tasting much better and I end up getting spiritual gold from making the effort. One particular Sunday morning, I realized that I was not taking the second option. I was grumpy and dissatisfied, and the state was simmering right below the surface of my awareness. Why did I feel this way? I realized the feeling of dissatisfaction was also accompanied by stressful thoughts about work and anxiety about the long chore list I had to take care of later in the day. Those thoughts were followed by disappointment in myself for not being able to have a light and cheery morning and enjoy myself. What was wrong with me?
I finished making breakfast, started driving to class, and turned on a Vernon Howard talk. Within two minutes Vernon said, “You can be dissatisfied with your life, but know that you’re dissatisfied.” That was exactly what I needed to hear at that moment. I instantly felt separation from the feeling of dissatisfaction. It gave me a way to rise above the overwhelming disappointment I felt in that state and to look at it objectively. The dissatisfaction I had been feeling was based on thoughts that I was choosing to not consciously separate from. Making the effort to become aware of every action that was made while making breakfast could snap me out of that mental pattern and change the situation completely.
Thoughts are like a freight train going in a blur through your mind. That train can accelerate by letting the stream of thoughts go on uninterrupted or an effort can be made to be more conscious, in turn slowing the train down to a speed where one can start seeing the spaces in between the cars. These spaces are glimpses into a lighter existence. One where you can relax from the thoughts that torture you twenty-four hours a day (yes, even when you sleep).
I would be willing to bet that every person on the face of the Earth experiences dissatisfaction with his or her life as it now is. Perhaps they are slightly aware of it, but many lie to themselves and to everyone around them. They try to convince others of their happiness and in turn convince themselves. But you can see it in their faces at that moment when they think no one is looking. Most people choose to pretend that they’re not dissatisfied, driven by the fear that they have no idea what to do differently. Society says that they are doing what the world has told them to do. “I went to school, got married, had kids, went on family vacations, and maybe even retired at a certain age. What’s wrong with me that I’m still not satisfied?” they ask.
Unfortunately, instead of taking the simple step of facing and acknowledging their dissatisfaction, people distract themselves from that feeling by using increasingly elaborate and dark methods. But this only deepens the unhappiness and they cruise through life desperately clinging to the next thing that they think may do it. By choosing to just not distract yourself and to become aware of how dissatisfied you really are, you have a sure method for working to invite authentic happiness into your life.